Understanding
by XDracoMalfoysGirlX
Summary: Angel and Faith bond as she tries to come to terms with all the bad things she has done.


**A/N: My First Attempt at writing something other that Harry Potter FF. **

**Time line is the first series of Angel. **

Understanding

He watched her as she slept the deep sleep of the truly exhausted. She was exhausted, he knew, in mind, body and spirit. There were cuts on her slender arms and her knuckles were scraped, dried blood had clotted the open skin and his eyes were instinctively drawn to them. His tongue darted out to wet his lips for a moment as he forced his eyes to continue their assessment of her. Her human skin, so thin, so delicate, like a spider's web, was colouring now, splodges of black edged with purple on her cheek bone, a touch of green and yellow on her jaw, and a deep cut over her eyebrow where the blood had crusted. Again, he stared at the blood, it was impossible for him not too; it was imbedded deep in his nature, this want, this need for blood. He was a vampire after all.

She stirred, her eyelashes thick and black as coal fluttered weakly for a moment, the only sign of physical weakness she had ever shown him. He knew she was strong; both inside and out, but right now she didn't realise how strong she was. She could and would get through the hell she was in, the hell of her own making and he would be there to ensure her survival. After all, he understood completely what she was going through.

"Angel?" her voice sounded as rough as sandpaper as it scraped against her throat.

"Yeah. I'm right here, Faith," Angel reached out and brushed her long brown hair from her forehead, his eyes again straying to the blood over her eye. "You need anything?"

"No," Faith replied quietly, shutting her eyes against him. What she needed Angel couldn't give to her, he couldn't give her peace and absolution, she had to get that for herself, that much she understood. She had to fight every minute of every day just like he did to feel a small sliver of peace in her heart for the awful things she had done.

His fingers were cool against her forehead, brushing lightly against her skin, offering her support should she wish to take it. "Thanks."

"Nothing to thank me for," Angel replied, dropping his hand to rest next to hers on the bed. Her hand looked so small, so fragile next to his own immortal one, but that hand he knew from personal experience could pack a hell of a punch.

Faith's fingers twitched and closed over his, she needed the contact right now, the comfort of another person, one who didn't flinch from her as though she were seeping poison from every pore. It figured that it would be Angel who would stay with her, stand behind her and give her the support she needed to get through each minute one at a time, just like he had told her she needed to. Angel had done so many bad things in his life that what she had done was a mere trifle in comparison, but she didn't compare it, there was no comparison to make; Angel hadn't had a soul when he did those unspeakable things to people in the long history of his past; she had her soul intact, she had her humanity, she had no excuse to offer. A wry smile turned up the corners of her lips.

"What is it?" Angel wondered.

"Says a lot doesn't it, that the only person who can stand to be around me right now is a vampire."

"Says that they don't understand and never will, Faith," Angel said softly. Cordelia and Wesley were his friends, deep down he knew that, as hard as it was for him to believe at times, he, Angel had real friends who stood beside him, fought alongside him and not because they had to, it was because they wanted to; but they would never understand the daily trial's he suffered, dealing with the burning of his guilt and his soul.

He had worked alongside Buffy and her friends, but they had not been his friends, not really. He wondered if that was how Faith had felt, a newcomer to an already established group of close friends; someone who was not used to being liked for who she was; it was difficult to know where to fit in, what the others really thought about you. He knew, and Angel had a feeling that Faith also knew.

"I'm not sure that I understand myself," Faith admitted after a few minutes silence. Suddenly she pushed herself up into a sitting position. "Mind if I shower?"

"No, it's through there," Angel gestured, keeping his hands to himself as she winced and pulled herself out of the bed. Faith would not appreciate his assistance, she wouldn't want him to think she was physically weak.

Faith could feel Angel's eyes on her as she made her way to the bathroom and she wished her movements weren't so slow and sluggish. She wished her body didn't ache so much that her muscles were screaming beneath the skin and her bones felt as though they were about to break in two. She was glad Angel was near her though, he gave her an internal strength she was severely lacking at the moment.

She took her time in the shower, enjoying the way the warm water felt on her skin, relaxing her body just a little; and perhaps if she stayed there long enough she would be able to wash away every last sin she had committed. She wondered vaguely if Angel felt that way whenever he had a shower. She doubted it, Angel had much more sense than that.

Faith's mind drifted for a moment, wandering slowly to the thought of Angel in the shower. She touched on it lightly, almost shyly, afraid he would see the truth on her face when she went back into his living room, come kitchen come bedroom.

Shutting off the water, Faith stepped from the cubicle, wrapping herself up in a fluffy white towel she wiped a hand over the steamed mirror to examine the damage to her face. She was battered and bruised Faith noted, but she also knew she wasn't in half as bad a shape as Wesley was. Hot tears of guilt, of shame, of remorse burnt her eyes and she caught her bottom lip sharply between her teeth to steady herself.

"Ow," she muttered, pulling to hard on her lip and splitting open the small cut in the corner. She dabbed at it with a piece of toilet tissue, ran her hands through her hair, using her fingers to work through the knots and gathered up her torn and dirty clothes remembering too late that she hadn't brought a change of clothes into the bathroom with her. For a second she entertained the idea of asking Angel to pass her some in, but she didn't much like the thought of his rummaging around in her bag.

Leaving the bathroom Faith was surprised to see Angel sitting quietly at the kitchen table, his chin in his hands, his eyes locked onto the wall, staring absently.

"Everything alright?" she crossed the floor towards him.

"Fine," he smiled lightly at her, wishing she had something else on her body other than a towel. He was still a man and Faith affected him much more than she had any right to do. She had from the first time he met her. "Coffee?"

"Water please." Faith moved around him, pressing a hand gently to his shoulder to keep him seated as she poured herself a glass of tap water. She sipped at it nervously. "What if I can't do it?"

"You can," Angel assured her. "Takes time, Faith, you can't expect to deal with everything you've done in five minutes and come to terms with it. But you will, come to terms with it I mean."

"Maybe I can't," her doubts were surfacing, picking and scratching away at her self resolve like relentless beetles burrowing their way into her determination to do the right thing and destroying it a little bit at a time.

"If I can, you can," Angel promised. "I've done far worse than you, Faith. I deal with it, a little bit every day it helps to stop me from going totally crazy. Whatever help you need, I'm here to give you. I understand you, Faith." Angel didn't continue, didn't tell her that he understood the darkness inside her, that from the very first moment he had met her his demon had seen it, sensed it, wanted it. Wanted her.

A fleeting smiled passed over her lips, once again breaking the skin at the corner of her lip. Faith's tongue darted out to press against the cut, the blood tasted coppery and metallic. "You're the only one who understands me then. The only one who ever bothered to try to understand me," she added thoughtfully, her tongue still working at the corner of her lip as the blood refused to stop rising to the surface. When Angel didn't immediately answer her, she finally turned her full attention on him, surprised to find his eyes latched onto her mouth, watching her tongue, watching the blood.

A tingle ran over her skin at his intense gaze, her nipples hardening beneath the thickness of the towel and gooseflesh popping out over her arms and legs. Her one foot overlapped the other nervously. The last thing she wanted was for Angel to get even a tiny hint at the feelings she harboured for him deep down inside her where they were safe.

Quickly she raised her hand to wipe at the cut, it would be better to get rid of the blood as that meant getting rid of Angel's hot stare that was making her all hot and bothered.

Just as quickly Angel's fingers curled around her wrist, stopping her hand midway to her mouth. Faith blinked in surprise, her heart beat picking up at the mere touch of his hand to hers. If she let herself carry on like this Faith knew she would end up in big trouble.

She swallowed as he stood up, towering over her with his large shoulders blocking out the artificial light and throwing her into the shadows. It made her feel as though the shadows of her own feelings were chasing her, nipping at her heels ready to expose her in front of him, the only real friend she'd ever had.

Angel wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, all he knew was that the scent of her blood was awakening feelings he had thought were long since dead. It wasn't just the blood exactly, he had been around human blood before and would be around it again, it was the fact that it was _her_blood that was making his fangs throb and they hadn't even extracted yet; a teasing tantalising scent tickled his nostrils, caused them to flare and his body to harden all over.

He was always in control, always made sure that he was because Angel knew he couldn't afford not to be in control and bring himself more guilt and soul ache. But now, Angel could feel his control waver, it didn't slip, not even an inch, but it did waver and he bent over her, pressing his own lips to the corner of her mouth over the small cut that just would not heal.

Angel heard Faith's sharp intake of breath, heard her heart beat pick up; but she didn't move away from him. Her blood was heavy and sweet on his lips, heady like a ripe wine and just like too much wine it made his head spin.

Faith's head was reeling with shock. Angel was kissing her, his lips and moved over hers now and were pressing lightly, hardly at all, but enough for her to instinctively open her mouth to him, invite him in.

Angel didn't need asking twice, he went in. Invaded her mouth with a fierce determination to memorise the taste of her. She was sweet and soft which Angel hadn't expected, her lips moving against his gently, her tongue slipping past his to explore with a tender eroticism that almost had his control collapsing around his ears.

Finally Angel released her wrist in favour of wrapping his arms around her slender frame, his hands cool on her bare shoulders sliding up into her hair, spearing his fingers through the soft waves and holding her steady against him.

His arms felt like steel bands around her, his body like a brick wall against the softer contours of her own, and Faith liked the differences between them. Her fingers curled around Angel's shoulders, holding on to him as he kissed her breathless, kissed her in a way she had never been kissed before and Faith wondered fleetingly if this was how all vampire's kissed or if it was an Angel specific.

She was so warm in his arms, so warm pressed against him and Angel had a sudden need to feel more of that warmth. His fingers dipped into the tuck of her towel and Faith gasped into his kiss as the fluffy material slid down her body to pool at her feet. She didn't have much time to think about it though, Angel's hands were on her, stroking down her back, smoothing up her spine, kneading her shoulders, gripping handfuls of flesh and pressing her closer to him until she almost merged into his chest.

Faith's hands drifted upwards to curl her fingers through the dark silk of his hair just as she felt Angel's fingers running down her side, over her hips to curl around her behind and lift her up, swinging her onto the kitchen table.

As Angel's lips left hers to allow her to breathe and pressed lightly to her neck, moving down her throat to close over her rapidly beating pulse, Faith thought she should say something to him, try and discover what he was thinking, feeling; but she quickly pushed that thought aside in favour of just feeling instead. Words could ruin the moment, words could bring Angel back to reality and make him stop and Faith didn't want him to stop. Even if afterwards it wouldn't be real, there wouldn't be anything too it, right now it was real, it meant something and she revelled in it.

His mouth moved downwards, human teeth catching her collar bone, biting lightly, drawing a soft moan from her lips. The taste of her skin was just as delicious as her mouth had been. Sugar and spice, cinnamon and apples danced over his tongue as he licked at her skin, her warm soft skin that felt so alive under his hands, her blood rushing faster now that her arousal had kicked in.

Faith moaned quietly, her hands splayed out over Angel's upper back. Rivulets of pleasure ran through her veins and each time his tongue stroked over her, her flesh blazed. Her legs raised to his waist enabling her to tighten her hold on him and she felt Angel's hands grip her hips more firmly. She was aware of how heavy her breasts felt, of how her nipples had strained into painful peaks, and Faith gave a small throaty cry when Angel's mouth finally took possession of the dusky pink crest drawing her nipple into the depth of his mouth.

Angel rested his hand on her leg for a moment, kneading the flesh beneath his palms. Faith's legs automatically opened at the feel of his hands on her legs, a throbbing need beating in time with her heart wanted a more intimate touch from him. His fingers flexed over her leg as the scent of Faith's arousal hit him and his nostrils flared and his human visage wavered showing a flash of yellow eyes and ridges.

Faith quivered when he pressed a kiss at the valley between her breasts, moving his mouth ever so slowly to her other breast, brushing along the soft round flesh, placing tiny kisses at the swelling of her breast before rasping his tongue over her hardened nipple again and again.

When his thumb glided easily between her legs and pressed lightly to her clit Faith strained against him, crying out softly. Angel didn't give her time to breathe before he began to massage her in slow, tortuous circles. Faith squirmed beneath his hand, whimpering into his mouth, her fingers clutching at his shoulders.

Angel slowly inserted a finger inside her already wet entrance. Faith gasped, using her tight hold on his shoulders to give her enough leverage to rock against his hand. Her fingers slid up into his hair and she dragged his mouth back to hers. A low moan came from her and Faith's head fell back when another finger made its way inside her and Angel stepped up his pace.

His eyes darkened the longer he looked at Faith, her face flushed, her hair a dark halo around her face and shoulders and her pink lips parted as she gasped with pleasure. Angel could feel the beast inside him pacing in the back of his mind, could almost hear the Irish brogue of Angelus in his ear telling him to take what he wanted. But Angel knew he couldn't, Faith was so warm and welcoming around his fingers he just knew that to give in and slide inside her would mean he wasn't just running the risk of loosing his soul, it was a bloody given that his soul would be floating sky high with the rest of him, expect his soul would stay up there and would not rejoin him on earth during the afterglow.

He kissed her neck lightly, the tips of his fangs scratching gently at the thin layer of skin. He wanted to bite, Angel really wanted to bit, to sink his fangs into her neck and drink until he was drunk off her blood. Temptation was a very fine line, and Angel had centuries of practice to stop himself from tumbling over and he drew on all that experience now to help him stay in control and not kill the woman in his arms.

His name suddenly filled his ear as Faith started gasping madly, her body arching to him. She moaned, pleasure pooling in the low sound and the desperation inside Angel hiked itself up a couple of painful notches. Faith cried out, biting his neck hard, drawing blood as her body shook and her muscles tightened around his fingers just before she collapsed weakly into his shoulder.

Faith blinked when she felt Angel remove her hands from his shoulders and place them at the edge of the table. What he really needed, what he really wanted he couldn't have, he couldn't sheath himself inside her and he couldn't taste her blood flowing through him, but he could taste her.

He dropped to his knees in front of her, his hands on her thighs spreading her legs wider. Faith shivered in anticipation, her eyes glassy as she rested her chin on her chest and watched Angel at her feet, staring at her as she opened fully to him. It didn't bother her to be so exposed to Angel, he had seen the worst of her, there was no reason why he shouldn't see the rest of her. Absently Faith thought she rather liked the idea of baring her body for Angel, he might want more of it, more of her, and Faith knew she was willing to give him anything he wanted from her.

Angel's teeth nipped at her inner thigh, the scent of her strong and musky in his nose and he closed his eyes to inhale deeply. He pressed his lips against her and she gasped, her hands moving behind her on the table allowing her to push her hips further towards him. Angel's tongue plunged in deeply and Faith took it willingly; inviting the sensual invasion.

His tongue moved deliciously over her again and again, easing inside her, tasting her, driving her mad. Faith moaned, her fingers sinking into Angel's hair as his tongue thrust deeper inside her and her hips wiggled beneath his mouth. His hot mouth captured her overly sensitised clit, the tip of his tongue rubbing over her in slow circles.

Whimpering with pleasure Faith's body turned weak as she bucked against him. She moaned Angel's name, lifting her legs over his shoulders urging him on as the liquid heat began to pool between her legs. Wave after wave of pure bliss crashed through her as she cried out, her back arching as she shuddered to climax.

He couldn't take her blood, but he could take what she offered him, and Angel drank from her; drank the honeyed essence that swept his mouth and caused the man and the beast to growl in pleasure.

"Angel…" Faith's voice shook and she gripped his arms tightly as she steadied her body and her breathing. "I want…"

"I know," he cut her off, his voice quiet, his hand gentle as he pushed her hair from her face. "It's not possible, Faith."

Immediately her eyes flared and she opened her mouth to loudly protest this claim, but she clamped her lips closed at the last moment. Her eyes locked with his and Faith knew Angel was only speaking the truth. She understood him just as he understood her, and she would not beg, plead or cajole because she respected him too much not because she was too proud. If Faith thought it would have done her any good she would have begged for the pleasure she just knew Angel would bring her.

Her heart swelled when she looked into his anguished face. He wouldn't risk being with her because he thought he might loose his soul. Angel thought that _she_of all people could give him perfect happiness and she had to fight hard not to let her eyes give away the tumult of emotions she was suddenly feeling.

"I understand, Angel," she leant forward and kissed his forehead softly, stroking the fine hair at his nape. Faith raised her weak legs and curled them around his waist, drawing him closer to her where she could wrap her arms around him and just hold him for a few moments longer.

Angel relaxed in Faith's embrace and enjoyed letting the moment stretch out a little longer. Soon it would all be over. Angel believed that Faith did understand, and her reaction only made his dead heart ache, for Angel was sure that in that moment he had never loved or connected with anyone as much as he did Faith.


End file.
